Caught Being Kind

Are you looking for a way to get your kids to do their chores, comb their hair, and be kind to each other during the long summer months? Look no further. . .

1. Make some CBK cards.

CBK stands for Caught Being Kind. I printed these in gold. They can be laminated to make them sturdier, or just use cardstock. Or just call it what you want!

2. Make some pockets.

I used this template to make them. http://creaturecomfortsblog.com/home/2008/8/5/its-freebie-time.html
Then, the kids decorated them.

3. Make lists of what you want your kids to do. 

Post the lists and tell the kids they can earn a CBK if they finish these lists with a good attitude in a timely manner. I made a hygiene list, a learning list and a chore list. For every list that they finish before 10 am, they get a CBK and they place them in their pockets.

4. Start trying to catch your children being kind.

And then start handing out the CBK's. I wouldn't do it too frequently. Maybe just focus on a few behaviors you'd like to shape.

5. Now comes the fun part. Decide on some things your children want. 

For us, it is computer time. The kids can purchase computer time using the CBK's. Each CBK is worth 15 minutes of computer/Wii/iPad games. (I do limit how many CBK's they can use a day) I've also told them they can use them to go out for ice cream (although I haven't decided how many CBK's this will cost them yet).

6. Sit back and watch your children fulfill their requirements. 

My daughter who hates to brush her hair has stopped complaining about it and just does it. My other daughter who always whines about picking up her room, cleaned the entire room the first morning. (And she got an extra CBK for doing so!) This morning, before having guests over, my kids all helped to clean our home without whining or complaining. Yesterday, after getting groceries, they all helped bring in the groceries. All in hopes that they might, just might, get a CBK. In short, my children are no longer going out in their pajamas with bedhead hair. Nor are they complaining about every little thing I ask them to do. They aren't perfect, but I feel in control!! 

Of course, we only started 2 days ago. :)

PS. I want to give credit to this website (http://www.ateenytinyteacher.com/2012/07/i-dont-use-clip-chart-please-dont-throw.html) and my facebook friends, for getting me thinking in this direction.

To Multitask or Not to Multitask?

Multitasking. It's what gets us by, isn't it? The only way to get everything crossed off our lists. At least that's what all of us big-time multitaskers seem to think. But according to several studies, multitasking is not very productive. (See http://psychology.about.com/od/cognitivepsychology/a/costs-of-multitasking.htm)

Upon hearing this, my brain immediately went to work. Maybe this is why I am not as productive as I'd like to be. Maybe I just need to learn to stick to one task at a time and I'll get a lot more accomplished. So, of course, I discussed this with some friends who basically told me I was wrong. That being a parent and a stay-at-home-mom requires multi-tasking. When I considered this, I realized they were right. Why? Quite simply, it comes down to the kids. There is no way to know when children are going to need help. Dirty diapers don't come at the top of the hour. Sibling arguments are not scheduled. 4-year olds are constantly interrupting with their many questions. Because of this, moms will always be multi-tasking.

So, then it becomes a question of how. How should a mom multi-task? What is going to be the most effective way to get everything done while still taking care of those dirty diapers, answering those questions and stopping those fights. After discussing this issue with a few moms, I've come up with an idea. It is a combination of multitasking and singletasking. I call it small-tasking. And this is how it works.

If I were to clean my kitchen, it would take me 30-45 minutes. This task is probably too long to complete in one session because the children will inevitably need something during that time. But if the tasks of the kitchen are broken up into smaller tasks -- things such as cleaning off the table, clearing the counter, sweeping the floor, emptying the dishwasher, etc -- then there will probably be enough time to do one or more of those tasks before an interruption. Focusing on one small task allows for a lot of flexibility in one's day. Have 5 minutes? Clean off the table. Have 15 minutes? Do the dishes. Have 30 minutes? Do the dishes, clean off the table and sweep the floor. 

This method will not completely eliminate the need to multitask as a mom. Obviously, if the 3-year old needs to go to the bathroom, the task you are working on will have to be left until that is taken care of. (While writing this, I've had multiple interruptions!) But it should eliminate the procrastination and frustration that comes from feeling like the kids never give you enough time to complete anything. 

So, go make your lists! Happy small-tasking!

Why am I doing these dishes anyway?

A week ago, I read an article that I've been planning to write about since I read it. I've been thinking it through over and over in my mind because it fundamentally changed the way I think about this topic. So, what was the article about? Surprisingly. . .housekeeping. The article, entitled, Daily House Cleaning Schedule For Homes with Children (http://www.household-management-101.com/house-cleaning-schedule.html) describes housecleaning as cyclical. "Life Moves In Rhythms And Cycles And So Should Your Housekeeping". This simple statement transformed my entire view of housekeeping.

For some reason, housekeeping has always been confusing to me. What I am supposed to clean? How often should I clean? What time of day should I clean? How am I supposed to pick up and put things away when I've got so much daily cleaning to do?!?!? In recent years, I have come up with some routines that have helped me get to a better place with my housekeeping. Every morning, I clean my kitchen, and tidy my bathroom. However, the "clean" only lasts until the next time we need to use the kitchen or the bathroom. At that point, everything seems to stay dirty until the next morning, when I clean again. I have to admit that having the room feel dirty for half of the day has not helped me to feel very motivated to do my daily cleaning recently.   The author of the before-mentioned article starts off by saying, "A house cleaning schedule will keep your home basically clean and tidy at all times.That is much better, in my opinion, that just cleaning your house when it is filthy, because you get to enjoy it being cleaner a much larger percentage of the time that way." As you would probably think, at this point, I was hooked. But I had a house cleaning schedule and it didn't seem to be keeping my house clean and tidy. What was missing?

"The theme for all daily household chores is that they all are about putting things away, or returning them to their original state so they can be used again in the next turn of the cycle." So, the purpose of daily cleaning is to put things in readiness for the next time they are needed? Ding, ding, ding!! I know this sounds very simple, but I have to admit that I've never thought of cleaning in this way. Usually, when I clean, I'm thinking, 'Better clean up this mess' or ‘How does it get so messy so fast?’. And if the point of cleaning is to just clean up a mess that has somehow developed, it can be done at any time. However, this new thought -- that cleaning should be about getting things back to a state of usefulness -- helps me to answer the questions I've always had. What am I supposed to clean? Clean what you have just used so it can be ready to be used again. How often should I clean? Clean whenever you have used something and made it too dirty to be useful the next time.  What time of day should I clean? See the previous answer. How am I supposed to pick up and put things away when I've got so much cleaning to do? By combining daily chores and pick up. In other words, the use of a room or item is not completed until it has been put back into a state of readiness.

For example:

When the dishwasher finishes running, unload it.

When breakfast is done, put away the cereals, rinse the dishes, put them in the dishwasher and look around quickly to see if anything else is not ready for the kitchen's next use.

When playtime is over, put the toys away.

When laundry finishes, fold and put it away. Check quickly to make sure the room is ready for laundry the next time you do it.

After using the bathroom, check to see if it is clean and ready for it's next use.

Certain things will be used every day, so they will be cleaned every day or close to it. Other things will be used more sparingly or at least will get dirty less often, so they can be cleaned less often. And what do you do if your baby interrupts you in the middle of cleaning? Just come back to it when you are done helping the baby. One of the great things about this type of thinking is that it can be adapted to any room or situation. In theory, keeping things clean on a continual basis should make each cleaning session less arduos. In reality, it might not make much difference. Only time will tell! If this is successful for me, you can expect to read something about it in my blog.

Homework Solutions

Has homework become a nightmare at your house? Here are a few ideas that I have used successfully in our home.

1) For the child who comes home begging to play video games, watch TV, play with friends, etc.:

Make a list of items that need to be done BEFORE doing the desired activity. For my son, the list includes a. Do homework, b. Practice piano, c. Complete chores, d. Play a math game called Math Blaster, e. Record chores for the day. Place the list in a prominent place and ask your child to check it and then report to you when finished. You may need to ask specific questions the first few times to make sure everything was completed.

Once he finishes all these tasks, he is free to do what he wants until dinner. He usually gets in about 30 minutes of play-time. Sometimes a bit more, sometimes less. Since we started this system with my son, the homework nightmare has turned into bliss. He is almost always done with homework before dinner, leaving the rest of the evening free.

(As a side note, we use the BEFORE/AFTER technique for a lot of things. "Mom, can I go outside?" "Yes, after you've taken out the garbage." We also have a list of BEFORE items that we use in the morning routine. Once they finish getting ready, they can play a video game or watch TV. This worked so well that the child who used to lay in bed all morning complaining about getting up began to get up early to get ready for school. Too early. We had to make a new rule that no one could start any media before 7 am. Now, the kids get up and get ready, then spend some time on media before school. Some people might object to this method, but I say that 30 minutes of TV is better than an hour of arguing and pushing to get ready. Plus, it teaches that once you get the important things done, then you can have fun.)

2) For the child who can't seem to sit still long enough to get anything done:

Use a timer or two. There are 3 simple ways to do this.

a. Decide how long it should take your child to finish his or her homework. Add 5 or 10 minutes to that total. Set the timer for this amount of time and explain to your child that if he/she finishes before the timer buzzes, he will receive a reward of some kind. This could be a tiny treat, a shared book with mom, an extra few minutes of time together at bedtime, a sticker, 10 minutes extra computer time, etc. Choose something that will motivate your child. This is effective for the child who just can't seem to get started, but can work well after that.

b. Choose a specific amount of time you think your child can sit and work easily. Set the timer for that amount of time and explain to your child that if he/she sits and works that whole time, he/she will get a break. I like to do 10 minutes on, 10 minutes off, as that works for my daughter. 2 sessions are enough for her to finish. Don't be afraid to reverse this and give your child the break first! For some, knowing that play-time comes first is helpful in motivating the child to work later. But if your child abuses this privilege, revoke it. This method is very helpful for children who can sit for short periods of time.

c. Do a or b, but add an egg timer. Tell your child to turn the egg timer and try to finish one problem before all the little sands reach the bottom. Then flip it again to do the next problem. For word problems, I tell my daughter she can turn it over up to 3 times. That is usually enough time to finish. You can also just use the egg timer or get another type of timer. The important thing is to make sure your child can operate it because otherwise you'll be coming over to help every minute. This method is the best for the child who gets distracted very easily.

There are other methods used to motivate children to do their homework. I've tried using charts with no success (because we never remember to fill it out), consequences with little success (because it makes it so negative), and prizes for completing before a certain time with not much success (because I couldn't find cheap enough prizes that my kids actually wanted to earn). All of these required too much participation from me. But for some parents, they might work well.

What I like about the methods I outlined is that they are positive, they are immediate, and they don't require too much intervention. They are just a push to get your child motivated and working on his/her own. If they need my help, of course I give it to them. These methods have taken the homework nightmare and turned it into a manageable part of our day.

Good luck!

And so I begin. . .

Every once in a while, I get these thoughts in my head. . .

The thoughts are too long for a facebook posting, too short for a book, and too random to actually email them to someone.  Hence, a blog. . .

I have a few questions about my blog:

1.  Will I actually write in the blog past today?
2.  Will anyone read my blog?
3.  How much time will this blog take away from the things I am "supposed" to be doing?

Only time will tell.  But as I spend time on the blog, I hope it becomes a way for me to bring clarity to my thoughts.  Unfortunately, bringing clarity to my thoughts isn't always the same as bringing clarity to your thoughts.  For this, I hope you'll forgive me.

And so I begin. . .